I Will Not Be Afraid
06.15.05

I will not be afraid.

I will not be afraid to live my life without the one person I thought would always be by my side. I will Love her always, and miss her company, support, and guidance. But her choice to leave will not be the end of my journey.

I will not be afraid to be alone. I don't think any experience is fully enjoyed unless it is shared, but it is an experience nonetheless. And what is life except a string of experiences? And how else to purely experience something than to do so without the influence of someone else's perceptions?

I will not be afraid of giving myself to anyone. I Love. Freely and openly. I will not be afraid of Loving so much of myself that there is none left for me. I understand now what it means to lose myself in someone else. And while I will give the world to anyone I Love, I will never again give up who I am, or who I want to be. Which leaves me free to give everything else.

I will not be afraid of failure. Or success. Not only is failure not an option, it's not even a possibility. Success is all that is left, and I will not shy away from the pressure or pitfalls of it. With belief, and without fear, anything is possible.

I will not be afraid of being who I am. It is all I can be and all I want to be. I will leave no false impressions of who I am, and those who know me will love me or hate me based on truth.

I will not be afraid of my emotions. They are true and real and my own. They carry me through the heights and depths of my life. While they may be the cause of both, neither can exist without the other, and without both of them, life has no meaning.

I will not be afraid of my beliefs. They guide me through life as yours do you. They will not be relinquished for anyone or anything, no matter what the cost. They define me in ways that words can not. Without them, I am no one.

I will not be afraid of others mistaking my kindness for weakness. I am kind. Sometimes, I am kind to a fault. But those faults are only in the eyes of others. Even if my kindness leads to my being taken advantage of or hurt, I will not give in to anger or attempt to relive my hurt by hurting others. To do so would be to relinquish my beliefs. Those who make the mistake, will be sorely disappointed.

I will not be afraid of others incorrectly perceiving my behavior or words. Too many people incorrectly apply their own bias and problems to the actions of others. I am a constant victim of that distorted perception and the resulting confusion. But their problems will not be mine. I am honest and true, and those that will be by my side understand what and who I am. The rest will just accept it, or not. The choice is theirs. The consequences are theirs.

I will not be afraid of being seen as a contradictory or hypocritical. I am almost always of two minds on any subject. I am not a walking contraction, I am just both sides of the coin. My actions follow my thoughts, whether others understand them or believe they contradict my words. Those who listen closely will know the truth. Those who don't, aren't worth giving more of myself to.

I will not be afraid of rejection. If you don't gamble, you can't win. No great achievements have been made without risk. And I have no desire to be with anyone who does not want to be with me, in any capacity.

I will not be afraid of my weaknesses. I have my weaknesses and my faults. And while I am constantly working to remove them, they are a part of who I am, part of what makes me me. And I am strong enough to live with those weaknesses until I can remove them. I am strong enough to keep anyone from exploiting them. I am not my weaknesses. I am not my faults.

I will not be afraid of not being remembered. If I am who I am, if I achieve what I will achieve, if I keep true to my promises and beliefs, I will not be forgotten. (this has always been my biggest fear in life).

I will not be afraid.

I will not be afraid.

I will not. be. afraid.