Learn to Drive
03.13.02

I've heard it said that there is one thing that bonds us all together, no matter who we are or where we come from. We all think that we're above average drivers. Well, some people just aren't. And they need to learn to drive. I'm almost ready to stop driving around town. These people scare me. I narrowly avoided two accidents today, one probably would've killed me. So it inspired me, not only to stay home for the rest of the day, but to write this as well. But before I really get into it, let me tell you about the two incidents today...

I'm in the left lane on a busy road with two lanes in each direction. I have one car in front of me. And a car emerges from the other side of the road, in an attempt to cross it. There are cars going in both directions in very close proximity to this crossing car. When the driver realizes it, she stops. Straddling the double yellow line at a standstill, blocking two lanes of traffic, one of which is the one I'm traveling in. The car in front of me comes to screeching halt within five feet of the stopped car. I screech a bit as well, and remained stopped to get a glimpse of the brilliance behind the wheel. She's young, late teens, I'd guess... with one hand on the wheel, and the other holding a cell phone to her head, with a cigarette between her first two fingers. And all of a sudden, I felt REALLY old. "Damn kids".

A bit later, I'm stopped at a light, in the left turn lane, waiting for the green arrow. As the arrow turns green, a tractor trailer comes tearing across the intersection, and I was VERY glad I was slow off the line. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, another car comes screeching into the intersection, from right behind the truck, and comes to a stop about 10 feet past the line. That's when I came straight home.

So I'm wondering what it takes to learn how to drive. I mean REALLY drive. Not the poor excuses for driving I see in this town every day. The way I can figure it, there are two types of drivers here. One is the NASCAR fan that believes he can drive as well as his idols do. The other rarely ever drives and has neither the need or ability to drive more than 15 MPH under the speed limit or make a turn without coming to a complete stop... or navigate a traffic circle.

Personally, I'm much happier driving around the NASCAR wanna-bes I still drive with the skills it takes to survive driving in NYC. So to have someone around me that is a bit aggressive, is much easier to handle that those who simply CAN'T handle their vehicle. But universally, it's terrifying thinking that most of these people have their licenses. Hell, there are members of my family I'd rather see taking public transportation.

For God's sake, and mine, learn to drive. And if you think you know how, learn more.

I am a firm believer that licenses should not given out or renewed so easily. When I turned 17, my driving test was on a closed course, with no traffic, where I drove at 10 MPH at most. I passed rather easily, and was given a pass to career around in a huge block of metal at ridiculous speeds. These elective defensive driving courses should be mandatory to get a license. The safe driving class some state make you take to keep your license should be a HELL OF A LOT harder to get through. And everyone should have to re-test to renew their license AT LEAST every ten years. And it should be a REAL road test. Instructor next to you, in real world situations, for a trip around your area... experiencing what you consider to be a complete stop, or your patented left turn from the right lane at a red light. Should you be OVERLY good about your driving, in a way that is a blatant attempt to keep your license despite your complete ineptitude, you should lose it anyway. When you stay 10 MPH under the speed limit to keep from going over, you risk causing an accident behind you by the people who are attempting to get where they have to be on time. If you think speeds of 75 MPH on a wide highway in a 65 MPH zone are dangerous, try going 55 MPH in one and see the chaos it causes.

If you're too afraid to drive with the flow of traffic, you need to find a slower flow. Or find a bus. If you think allowing the person across the intersection from you to make a left turn in front of you, despite your right of way, you need to stay home. Thanks for being polite, but you STILL have right of way, and I'm not turning, so you're holding up ALL KINDS OF TRAFFIC. Grow a pair.

If you're smoking a cigarette while talking on the phone and trying to cross a busy street... you may THINK you have the skills to pull it off. But if you're also in danger of not graduating high school because you can't pass Phys Ed... you DON'T have the skills to pull it off.

If you 're across an intersection from me, making a right turn onto the same three lane road I'm making a left turn onto, make your turn into the lane closest to you. Do NOT come across all three lanes to cut me off and get into the left lane. And If you're very old and driving a very old Cadillac land yacht in NJ with a Florida license plate and a left turn signal that won't shut off when you make that turn, know that next time, I won't be so nice about it.

PLEASE learn to drive.