This is a Father Nelson
06.04.02

You may recognize the title as the punchline from a joke that's been floating around the net lately. If so, you know where this Rambling is going. If you're still clueless, I'll help by getting you there quickly, and by saving the joke for last.

I've got my panties in a bunch over this "new" revelation about Catholic priests molesting little boys. Is that plain enough?

I'm not so sure that I'm so upset because this is such a huge problem, or that it's been such a huge problem for so long, as I am upset that it's taken this long to be recognized as such a huge problem, and that so little is being done about it.

Face it, I and every other person who grew up on the fringe of the Catholic faith have been cracking jokes about priests and little boys for as long as we can remember. What's that saying about every joke having a little truth in it? We all knew this went on, but all we could do was joke. With no proof and no one willing to stand up to the Church, all we could do was joke. And now, it's nothing to joke over any more, is it?

So now that it's not funny anymore, what part of it is more infuriating? Let's break it down...

We've got priests... the people that we're supposed to look to for guidance in this life and help into the next. They baptize children, initiate into the faith, marry two people in love, offer prayers and hope to those in need, and speak the last blessing before our bodies are passed over into the next world. Oh, and they sexually abuse our children. It's not part of the job description, and they're not fired for it, so it must be what... a perk?

We've got children... you know those little versions of us that we're supposed to love and protect with everything in our lives so that they might be able to grow up and be happy and successful and NOT completely fucked in the head. They are the innocent ones. The pure. The hope and future we leave behind. And now, they aren't safe from ANYONE.

We've got the Church... that all holy gateway to God and Heaven... the Almighty's home away from home. It's an organization of people who claim to be the last right and good force on a planet being overcome by Evil. It's a building where even the most destitute can find sanctuary and forgiveness. But that organization marches across the Earth trying to save the souls of the human race, they stay at home protecting their own from persecution, and from prosecution, for the civil and moral crime of pedophilia. I guess as good Christian folk, the rest of the two billion in their community are supposed to just "turn the other cheek", not judge them for their crimes, and just tack this on to the long history of Inquisitions, burnings, and "Missions" for which only God can judge.

However, personally, when I combine the betrayal of ultimate trust that comes from a Priest committing a crime against another person, the putrid, abhorring nature of a crime against a child, and the protection of the human garbage that perpetrated this crime by a self-proclaiming righteous and holy group... Well, I think the whole bunch of them NEED to be tried and judged and convicted by our collective legal standards. Only because that's the MOST we can do. I may not be able or willing to claim that I speak to God and know the ways of the Almighty... but I'm pretty sure that buttfucking a child in His name under His roof is the quickest shortcut to damnation that exists in this, or any other, Universe.

But, instead of that happening, the Pope will give his weakened nod to some committee to look into these charges and decide whether to take action, and if so, what sort of action should be taken.

That might actually be what pushed me over the edge on this one. THERE'S A QUESTION WHETHER SOMETHING SHOULD BE DONE!?!

While most of us are of the opinion that someone has to Roto-Rooter the entire system, they're sitting around wondering if anything really needs to be done at all. Certain priests will apologize, certain Bishops too, for letting things go as far as they did. Meanwhile, they didn't "let anything go" too far, they coordinated the efforts to keep these things hidden. The higher-ups were the internal peacekeepers, having the molested children and their families sign agreements not to mention the attacks while they whisked away the offending priest to another church. It took the memories of abuse, boiling for years, finally exploding beyond the limits of one of those agreements before anyone took notice.

That's one child, growing up obsessed with his offender... an entire life devoted to keeping track of another person, because he was attacking other innocent kids. One life was given over to the attack. The same priest molested many others. Many other lives given over to an attack. Many children, lives distorted and distracted, by the perversion of ONE person. Worse, a priest. Protected for years by the Church.

Feeling sick yet? Think about how many other priests are out there, doing the same thing. To many more children.

Now question whether something should be done.

But something CAN be done. Assuming that the lawyers and the Church battle this one out for years and try to come to some resolution. But there is a better, faster, much easier and much more painful way to exact punishment on the perpetrators of these heinous crimes. Hit them where it hurts the most: their collective wallet...

No more donations: no money, no time, no clothing, so support in any way whatsoever.

This isn't my idea, nor is it an old idea. The only way to hurt a business, is to hurt it's business. And make no mistake, the Church IS a business. If you want to show your disgust if their continuous bullshit, show it in the only way that they will truly care about.

Since I can't take away what I don't give them, this is my only recourse - this Rambling. This and the hopes that someone actually believes enough to take action to help right some wrongs, or at the least, help prevent future wrongs.

Oh yeah, I promised you a joke, didn't I?...

Two dads from the neighborhood were standing around watching their kids play on the playground. These guys are always trying to top each other with new jokes.

One of the dads, Pete, pipes up and asks Bob if he knew anything about wrestling. Bob proceeds to tell him a thing or two, and walks up behind Pete and puts his right arm through his right armpit and his hand on Pete's neck.

"What's this called?" Bob asks.

"That's a half-nelson," Pete says as his right arm was pushed up over his head.

"Very good, Petey," Bob replied. "Now, what's this?"

He did the same exact thing to Pete's left arm leaving him with both hands over his head while standing behind him.

"That's a full-nelson," Pete said, trying to figure out what Bob's joke could be.

"Right!" Bob said. Then, remaining behind Pete with both his hands forcing Pete's over by putting pressure on his neck, Bob bent Pete over and began grinding his hips into his ass.

"So what's this?" Bob said.

"I don't know," Pete admitted.

Bob shouted, "This is a Father Nelson!"