12 Items or Less
04.09.02

Technically speaking, I probably should've spelled out the number twelve in the title. But I'm not so sure that the people who SHOULD be reading this would be able to read hat number or understand what it means. So I wrote 12.

12. We all know that number. It's the one that comes after 11 and before 13. It's a dozen. It's two half-dozens. It's one less than a baker's dozen. You get the point, right? Well, hopefully, you do.

It seems that some people don't understand that number, or the quantity it represents; Enough people to make me write this Rambling. Personally, I don't care if you don't know many eggs are supposed to come in that Styrofoam container. I don't care if you know how many grades there are in the general US school systems. I don't even care if you know how many disciples Jesus had. Which reminds me of the people who inspired me to write this lovely piece.

See, I would be willing to double down on the bet that they knew how many eggs go into those containers because there are a few chicken coops about a hundred yard from my house in someone's back yard. And I can be pretty sure that one of them knows what grade her schooling would be going up to if she weren't already largely pregnant and probably dropping out. And of course they know about the number of Jesus' disciples. But there's a better chance of one of them converting to Judaism than there is of they're knowing what the big sign over the cash register at the local Food Lion means...

Express Lane - 12 Items or Less

Let's break that down, shall we?

Express: Defined by Webster's dictionary as "3 a : traveling at high speed; specifically : traveling with few or no stops along the way <express train> b : adapted or suitable for travel at high speed <an express highway>" And if that doesn't do it for you, it means that whatever you're involved in is supposed to be fast.

Lane: Pretty simple. This is the thing you're involved in that's supposed to be fast: the line at the cash register.

12: There's that number again. Barring any birth defects or accidents, you should be able to reach this by counting on all your fingers and adding the number of hands.

Items: Each thing you have in your cart. I understand how it can be confusing, so remember these two things... a package of something counts as one item. i.e. a dozen eggs equals one item. And something one sale as 2 for 1 still counts as two items.

Less: This means you can have any number of items up to and including twelve, but not more. Ten items is okay. 17 items is not.

As for the word "or", if you need help with that, I'm amazed you made it this far through life, much less through this Rambling.

And yes, I chose the number 17 as an example for what's not acceptable for the Express lane for a very good reason. See, the other day, both the woman in front of me (with her pregnant teenage daughter and her two paychecks she needed to cash) and the woman in front of her (who was writing a check) both had that number of items in their cart.

Perhaps the number 12 didn't register with them or translate to mean what it means to me. Perhaps These women couldn't count the number of items in their carts, or didn't bother to try. Perhaps they just didn't see the sign and didn't realize they were in the so-called "Express Lane." I would love to know that any of these things were true. Unfortunately, I have a hard time believing that anyone who knows enough to write or cash a check at a supermarket hasn't the mental capacity to figure out that they're above and beyond the limits of the sacred Express Lane. Therefore, I'm left with one assumption: these women are simply rude.

They know they're breaking the rules. They know they're slowing down everyone behind them. And they know that I'm standing there with a whole TWO items in my hands, because I saw them both turn and look at me and my hands, as people in line tend to do. Did either offer to let me go ahead of them? Nope. Did either of them realize that they might be the cause of the long line forming behind them and move to a line NOT designated as an Express Lane? Of course not.

And how about the cashier who allowed them to checkout through that lane, despite their inability to count and who took their checks and cashed others. Aren't she just as much to blame as the people checking out? Maybe the rule is to let them, despite how long the line is behind them or how how over the limit they are. Maybe the fault lies not with the cashier but the management. Maybe. But I do remember a time when people were told to step out of line for having too many items. And recently I've seen more and more Express Lanes that don't accept checks. Kudos to those stores for remembering the meaning of convenience. I don't know who is really to blame for our frustrations.

All I know is these women, And people everywhere that continue to perform these little bouts with order, reason, and courtesy are some of the biggest causes of random acts of violence against strangers. Rude people doing rude things. That's all it takes. And if, like these women, the rest of these people continue to offend and inconvenience the rest of us without any restitution, they should consider themselves very lucky. And we should all consider them more shining examples of how our society continues to slide into the slimy depths of inhumanity.

Yes, a tiny thing like 12 Items or Less, and the ignorance of it's meaning and reason might be the most simple benchmark of judging someone's character. It's much like how a person treats the server when you're out to dinner. Or how they respond when being cut off while driving.

It's the simple things that count. Like being able to count to 12. Or less.