PETA Idiots
06.19.00

In my most humble opinion, the members of PETA truly have WAY too much free time on their hands.

Well, maybe that's a bit harsh. Maybe the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals actually have reason to be concerned and reason to raise a ruckus over the way some people treat some animals some of the time. I happen to agree that killing animals so you can wear their fur as a sign of prestige and not for necessary clothing is ridiculous. But in this case, where PETA is protesting CBS for the way the Survivor cast members are eating rats and stingrays... they've just lost their minds.

About a dozen PETA members protested outside CBS HQ in NYC, chanting ad waving signs with the slogans "rats have rights!" and "survive on veggies!", along with... get this... Rosie the Rat, a member in a giant rat costume.

Give me a fucking break.

Hey, I've got nothing against animals in general. I've got nothing against rats in particular. I even had a pet rat named Ricki when I was in college. Great pet... very friendly, INCREDIBLY smart, fun to watch, fun to watch the reactions she caused... just a great pet.

But if I were stuck on an island with nothing to eat except Ricki and some plants I've never seen before... it would be Rat on a Stick for dinner.

PETA spokesperson, Dawn Carr said that, "Our point is simply that publicity-seeking contestants are using their fame to commit animal abuse."

Okay, I'm going to break this one down for Dawn, who obviously needs the help...

1) "publicity-seeking contestants" ... I believe the word she was searching for was not "publicity" but "food". "food-seeking contestants" seems much more accurate when talking about their situation when the rats were eaten. If Dawn needs to throw in a slam against the Survivor members, how about "money-seeking contestants" since they were vying for a million dollars on that trip. But even that is not the reason they ate rats. The reason is... and Dawn, I realize this is a stretch for your vegetarian views... but they were hungry.

2) "using their fame" ... So, these people who were trapped on an island without any comforts of home, being filmed for a TV show which, before it was aired, was being PUMMELED by critics, were famous when this terrible crime against the animal kingdom was committed? The show hadn't even aired yet! Sorry to say but, odds are, even the winner of the million dollars, the last "survivor" won't even be famous enough to get faster service at Burger King. There will be no "using of fame". And there couldn't be any back on the island, months before airing.

3) "to commit animal abuse" ... try "to eat something with protein in it". Yes, protein, that wonderful substance that helps human muscle grow stronger, that most of the civilized world gets from eating animals. You can't say they did ANYTHING, much less "use their fame", to commit animal abuse. That would imply that abuse was their intent. Somehow, I don't think killing and eating rat was on the top of their entertainment list. I'm sure if there was a side of beef dropped off on the island with them, no one would've been eating rat.

Does it sound like I'm ranting? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm so incredibly disgusted at the idiocy of the protest and PETA's stance on this.

PETA also complained about how the group was standing around smiling and laughing while the speared stingrays helplessly flopped around in the basket.

THOSE BASTARDS! HOW DARE THEY BE HAPPY THAT THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT?!?

...Something besides those giant grubs, that is. I don't know exactly what they were, but I haven't heard anything from PETA about standing up for the rights of the poor, defenseless, giant grub-looking things that were used as a test of bravery in one episode. But I guess they don't count as animals. And I guess that even though that consumption was not about satiating hunger but about some kind of macho test, it just doesn't compare to killing rats and stingrays for food. Selective protesting? Some members of the animal kingdom are worth protesting for, and some aren't?

One last quote from the PETA spokesperson to trash before I go... "History will show hunting and fishing will end up in the bucket along with all the other human atrocities committed throughout the ages"

You're kidding me, Dawn, right? You're not REALLY serious about that statement, are you? For two thousand years before you and your vegetarian-freak were even sparks of life on this planet, people hunted and fished in order to live. People still do. Well, the indigenous tribes of various parts of the world still have to hunt and fish to continue living... that is until other humans with bulldozers destroy their homes or force them to live on reservations. That fight STILL goes on in parts of the world, but the stingrays need protection, right? There are more rats in the world than there are humans... just ask the people living in the streets of our cities. But the rats have rights and should be defended. Even when it means that a person might go hungry, right?

Here's an interesting puzzle for you, PETA... if humans shouldn't eat animals so they can live, why should animals eat animals? Why should the King of Cats be able to mercilessly and savagely attack, kill, and tear apart the slower and meeker animals of the grasslands? Isn't that cruel? Should we punish them too? Should we protest them?

Ooooh... now THERE'S a great idea for the new Survivor series. After Australia, the next series will be held in Africa, in the middle of big cat heaven. All 16 cast members will be PETA members, and here will be no trials, no voting people out. They will be left with the same VERY BARE essentials, to face the wild animals in their own habitat. Not rats and snakes and stingrays. Animals that see unarmed humans as nothing more than fast food.

The last survivor gets a million dollars and the choice of whether to continue protesting the eating of animals as food.

"Vegetables are food that food eats"