Life and Death
07.08.00

Every now and then, I begin to wonder about death. What happens? What about my consciousness? Right now, I'm relatively positive that I am alive, that I am leading this life, that I feel joy and pain and fear and excitement and everything in between, that I have a memory of what I have done in the past... my consciousness.

Some say there is a heaven, a beautiful place of peace and rest where the good are rewarded. Some say there is a hell where the bad are punished. Some say we are brought back to this world in another form, with no consciousness of this one. Some say we walk the earth even after death as ghosts. And some say we just die. No more. Someone flips the switch and our lives' electricity ends.

So what then? I've imagined this. It was a way I found of meditating when I was in college. Though the sessions never lasted long. They scared me back to consciousness.

Sit still. Or lay. Close your eyes. And imagine being dead. Don't imagine how it feels, because it doesn't feel. There is no emotion or sensation. Don't remember dying or living because there is no memory. Think and feel NOTHING.

Soon enough when doing this, my body would cease to feel, my mind shut off. Until, at the last second of thought, not being able to feel anything scares the living shit out of me and I snap back to being.

I've always wondered what comes after that, if I could get last that last second effort to still be. But I've never gotten past that.

So what if that's it? If death really IS the end of it all, if it is NOTHING? If when that switch is flipped, we have no recollection, no memory, no consciousness?

Then WHAT is all this for?

We suffer every day in some way. We are abused by "loved ones", family members, bosses, financial institutions, or just random strangers. We suffer through the bad times, living for some possible redemption in the end (either in this life or after), or for the good times that come in between.

But what if there is no redemption after? What if there is no cosmic justice that provides the redemption in this life? Then what is left?

A lot.

The saddest part of all in this is that the things we most hold valuable are worthless in the end. I'm not going to Ramble on about them because so many others already have. "You can't take it with you" they say. And they're right. So WHAT is there to live for?

Love. Happiness. Art. Company. All the things that make you happy NOW. All the things that make you feel fulfilled NOW. All the things that help those around you feel the same. NOW.

If you need to create, then do so. If you need to sing, do so. Dance, play, laugh... whatever it is that fills your heart with joy, do it.

We suffer, in so many cases, because we allow ourselves to. Because we think we need to to serve some purpose... to appease a god, or a government... or to be a productive member of that societal machine. We allow ourselves to suffer through it. And those that have no choice but to suffer, deserve to be helped. Not just because everyone deserves the chance to be happy, but also because helping others to feel the joy increases your own.

There ARE ways to find happiness. And if finding it hasn't worked, then creating it just might.

And Love. Love lets us share our joy, and ease our suffering at the same time. Finding a true Love makes life fuller, it brings us so much closer to having that reason to live, even if there is NOTHING after life. Knowing Love is knowing Life.

And after all this is done, if we go on to be, do, or remember NOTHING, we are still remembered by those that truly loved us. And that doesn't seem so bad, does it?