Strength
7.14.99

It's not physical strength that I'm not really concerned with. Sure, every now and then, even I go Alpha Male, and display my size and strength to feed my ego. It happens. Probably as a result of my repressing those kinds of urges. Physical strength can impress me at times, but I'm not concerned with it, and it is not the focus of this Rambling.

It's personal strength that intrigues me and impresses me. And the lack of it infuriates me at times. In women, it actually turns me on. In fact, it was one of the things that really drew me to my ex-girlfriend. She was incredibly strong.

Actually, my memories of her, combined with having to deal with the existence of one of the weakest people I've ever met, are what are inspiring me to write this.

One of my friends is dating this woman who I truly wish would disappear from the planet... or at least disappear from my world. Never mind her utter stupidity... that's an entire other topic that I'll probably Ramble about in the future, seeing as it's another quality I can't stand in people. She is also a very weak person... which is probably a result of her lack of intelligence. To illustrate...

Within two sessions of hanging with my friends, she was acting and talking just like them. She had NO personality of her own. In an attempt to be accepted by these people, I assume, she adopted their collective behavior as her own, like she was the the Borg Queen (geek check). And I haven't seen her be herself yet.

Mind you, for my friend, she truly is the perfect woman. She's attractive, unintelligent, and weak; hence, very easily controlled, which is exactly what he needs. But, once again, that's a whole other show, Ricki. It's witnessing this relationship that angers me. Just the fact that someone can be so weak, angers me. It's like when you have a friend who's doing something completely wrong, and you want to grab them, shake them, and smack the crap out of them until they come to their senses. Mind you, in this case, it's the girlfriend I'd like to "smack some sense into". Unfortunately, that's just not possible.

Now, my ex-girlfriend comes in on the complete opposite of the spectrum. She was (well, is, I assume) one of the strongest women I know. I think it will be part of "her downfall", if you will, because her strength rides tandem with incredible stubbornness. Like the first woman's weakness and lack of intelligence, I couldn't attempt to figure which is the cause and which is the effect.

However, as much as it hurt me (and still hurts me), I have to give her a huge amount of credit for her strength. When she left, she walked away, and never once looked back. After a relationship as full of love and passion and future hope, when she decided that those things were no longer enough to continue the relationship, she made her decision and stuck to it. THAT is strength. Maybe it's stubbornness. And if I were bitter about it, I would still be hoping it was just stubbornness. But the truth is, she displayed a HUGE amount of strength. And I have to admire that.

For myself, I'd like to find a woman somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. In life, I like to surround myself with people in that median as well. Perhaps it's because I was so weak growing up, personally. I was hurt a lot. I didn't know how to deal with a lot. And I hate the way I was. I hate how I used to get walked on, used, abused by people. Sometimes, it still happens, but it's different now. I hate that weakness in who I used to be, and I hate it in others.

There is a huge difference in being friendly, compassionate, loving, and emotional and being weak. That's the misconception a lot of people are brought up on, especially guys. Just like there's a huge difference between being an asshole and being strong. Another misconception a lot of people are brought up on. Once again, especially guys. The difference? That's to be learned, and not for me to teach through some printed words. It's the experience of living through all those different emotions and states of being that teaches the difference, nothing else really.

When you lose yourself to others, to please others... that's weakness. When you spend your life not bothering to find yourself... that's weakness. When you succumb to letting substances, people, ideas, or just plain Nothing make your decisions for you... that's weakness.

There is no more Natural Selection. These days, the weak DO survive. Well, they stay alive at least. But Life just continues on, with or without you, whether you're strong enough to keep up or not.