Awakenings
01.02.98

I'm watching the movie Awakenings... you know, Robin Williams, Robert DeNiro... the guy who's almost comatose for 30 years who, with medication "awakens" from his condition to taste life again. Then the medication stops working for some reason and his condition worsens until he's no longer able to live like a normal person anymore. But the thing that really gets to me is his attitude as he's going back to his terrible condition. He's hurting, he's "dying", he knows that the state of being he's approaching feels like nothing, almost like death. But while it's happening he wants the doctor to learn from his problem. He's more concerned with the physical and mental well-being of the other patients going through the medical process that he is... he doesn't want them to be afraid. He wants the doctors to learn from his condition's failure so that they can help others. That is what inspires me. When DeNiro's character is well, he realizes that we as humans have forgotten what it means to be alive. We take for granted the ability to express in words or gestures. We don't appreciate what it means to be able to take a walk and choose what direction to walk in, or whether or not to stop and smell a flower. And sadly enough, it's true.

This is why Home of a Dead Hero was created. So that I can try to remind people of life. That other people besides them hurt, but that the hurting ends. That other people have half-eaten dreams that will never be realized, but that doesn't stop people from dreaming. That life really is too short to fuck around trying to act under false pretenses, to work towards a goal that has no true rewards, to ignore all the things that life has to offer.

Last summer, thanks to a friend, Elaine, I had my own "awakening". It was her that told me that it was time for me to create this site. Well, she said book, but the web is my forte, so this is the result.